20
Jan

Why bigger penis == bigger confidence [nsfw-ish]

   Posted by: Swizec   in Insanity

Walking penis. Gay pride parade, 2005.
Image via Wikipedia

Size matters!

But obviously that’s a very lame argument so let’s work it out a bit.

Everybody knows that when it comes to impregnating homo sapienatic females any and all but the weirdest of male homo sapienatic instruments will do. It can be wide, it can be small, it can be whatever. As long as it’s longer than 5 inches you’re good and obviously since you’re here and we have this thing called evolution and inherited traits, chances are your phallic instrument is longer than 5 inches mister.

And 5 inches is quite alright, I wouldn’t want a 5 inch knife in my back …

But homo sapiens are smart cookies and they needed something more out of sex. This thing called an endorphinal high, we like drugs maaan, because after all, if sex would hurt nobody would do it and then we’d all be fucked. Not to mention that’s no fun at all.

So most of the time when a homo sapiens female and a homo sapiens male get together it isn’t to make little hobbits, it’s to make fun and create natural occuring brain drugs. Woo.

This however introduces a problem, the lukewarm hole most females sport is very stretchy and the more fun it’s having the more it stretches. The damn thing does not in the least care about what you’re putting inside, it just wants more and more and more and it gets bigger and bigger. Then the lady stops getting pleasure because she can’t feel anything.

Hell, there’s very little friction left!

What do? Well obviously you put a bigger instrument into the hands of the master male homo sapiens so that he could pleasure the female better. Problem solved!

By the by, many animal species have tricks to make the female more … uhm … willing. Like cats have spikes on their instruments and ducks have a spiral penis! Wow, amazing, shocker!

Ok so no bitching about “Size doesn’t matter, it’s how you use it” Sod off with those, size, in humans, is about 80% of the equation when it comes to pleasurable activities of the sort.

Therein lies the problem. The more the woman wants to have fun, the bigger instrument she needs. But how can you tell who’s got a big instrument when the damn bastards keep it neatly tucked away in their garment?

Confidence!

The more confidence a male sports the bigger their schlong! The mechanism for how big schlong == big confidence is probably self-evident so let’s leave it at this. The reason why bigger schlong equals bigger confidence is that lasses need a heuristic for finding bigger pleasure.

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18
Jan

Python multiprocessing is fucking sweet

   Posted by: Swizec   in Uncategorized

CRAY-1 (no longer used, of course) displayed i...
Image via Wikipedia

You know how it is said every programmer needs to learn how to do parallelisation and funky stuff on multi-core multi-processor beast of machines? And how such machines aren’t even really beasts these days, they’re our run of the mill desktop and portable computers.

This is the world we live in.

It’s getting worse by the hour!

Very soon the first thing a young programmer will hear out of a lecturer’s mouth will be Thread-Safe.

But there’s something we can do about that even today. First of all, we can kiss threading good bye. Sure it’s sweet and yes it sort of works. But ew! It’s like trying to make a marine corps do their job with everyone’s finger in someone else’s arse.

12
Jan

How ikigai has changed my style

   Posted by: Swizec   in Inspiration

This is the second post in the series of How <x> changed my style where I shall talk about tools and events that had a significant impact on my style of doing things. If you happen to like this idea, I would be very happy if you could help it spread like wildfire, because it’s a form of pay-it-forward where we say Thanks for cool stuff.

A few weeks ago, or was it days, I forget, I stumbled upon a rather fascinating video about living to be a hundred years old and more. But not just sitting around and waiting to die kind of 100+, the kind where at 100 you’re still happily running around, building fences and doing stupid crap most westerners really wouldn’t expect you to do anymore.

Everything in there is fine and good, but the most important bottom line I picked up on was the importance of having an ikigai. It’s all wonderfully explained in the video so I won’t go into what ikigai is, I’d rather say a little bit about what it feels like to discover one’s ikigai. (it doesn’t matter whether you know what it’s called or not, I didn’t for months)

As late as just last Spring my life revolved around going to a school I hated, having a job that was alright but not quite that and occasionally getting together with my girlfriend. I was doing some nifty stuff in the evenings and late at night, but mostly it was just another burden no matter how much I loved it and felt like I believed in it.

Then something changed, I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but it changed. The symptom of this change was that I quit my job and devoted most of my attention to the side-project, which evolved far far far away from what it was back then.

And suddenly much was different. School suddenly seemed interesting and awesome, I started learning exciting new things every day for the first time since being a kid. Getting up in the morning was … well it’s still fucking hard, I’m just not a morning person :P … but staying up at night was painless as hell. Meh, I won’t pretend like I can describe this, just try it.

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Last night I watched a bloody amazing video of a university professor who was just oozing awesome. Seriously, this guy is all kinds of cool and I would love to someday have a professor that structures his lectures and classes like this guy does.

Now watch the video, I’m not here to blab, I’m here to make you watch this :)

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11
Jan

How Lisp changed my style

   Posted by: Swizec   in Inspiration

IBM 402 Accounting Machine plug-board wiring. ...
Image via Wikipedia

This is the first post in the series of How <x> changed my style where I shall talk about tools and events that had a significant impact on my style of doing things. If you happen to like this idea, I would be very happy if you could help it spread like wildfire, because it’s a form of pay-it-forward where we say Thanks for cool stuff.

Some months ago, fuck has it been two? three? four?,

After tonight’s midterm I simply couldn’t resist driving around and about Ljubljana in this magnificent snowy weather we’re having. It’s very rare to get a chance to drive in conditions where everyone is nice and calm. Nobody honks at you, nobody tries to swerve around you and do stupid things, nobody is in a hurry. It’s just fucking awesome!

Not to mention the snow and the occasional drift around a corner! Orgasmic! Oh!

Although winter services could be a little more vigilant, I got thrown all over the place driving through tracks others made. There was snow up to 20 centimeters deep someplaces! On main roads!!

Anyway, had fun, was awesome, got stuck in the snow on the parking lot at home. That was a big lol, but a surprisingly large amount of people I don’t know decided to be helpful and we got the car into a parking space in no time.

IMG00156IMG00153IMG00152

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8
Jan

The best copypasta ever copy pasted

   Posted by: Swizec   in Insanity

6
Jan

Came up with a wisdom

   Posted by: Swizec   in Quotables

If the leader of a dictatorship is a wolf then the leader of a democracy is a wolfpack.

6
Jan

The greatest casual game ever devised

   Posted by: Swizec   in Uncategorized

Machinarium 2009-10-20 02-22-26-27
Image by deadman009 via Flickr
Machinarium 2009-10-21 03-01-19-71
Image by deadman009 via Flickr
Machinarium 2009-10-20 03-35-26-50
Image by deadman009 via Flickr
Machinarium 2009-10-20 02-42-19-66
Image by deadman009 via Flickr
Machinarium 2009-10-21 02-57-02-40
Image by deadman009 via Flickr
Machinarium 2009-10-20 01-28-26-39
Image by deadman009 via Flickr

Now and anon I like to fire up a game when I’m feeling a dash unmotivated to do pretty much anything. Most often I simply don’t have time to play, so when I do play I want the game to be something fascinatingly epic but in such a way as can be enjoyed ten minutes here, twenty minutes there, an hour over yonder. NOT something you have to play for three hours straight before you get in the groove.

Two nights ago I discovered Machinarium through a hapless link in a msn chat.

I was instantly hooked, the art is simply amazing, the level of detail beyond all comparison. The gameplay itself. Oh! Don’t get me started, I could *gasm all over at the mere thought of the brilliance therein.

Basically you play a robot that goes through a few adventures and solves many a puzzle in a beautifully designed world to, well I dont’ know what yet, haven’t gotten that far. It would seem though that it’s got something to do with love because whenever his memories are shown they’re about a lady robot.

It is also one of the hardest puzzle games I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing. Shivers, Monkey Island, Abe’s Oddysee/Exoddus? Don’t get me started, weaksauce in comparison to Machinarium! Downright bloody weaksauce! Often you will encounter a proper logic game, one as can be bought in stores sometimes, you’ve got to solve just to open a door.

Other times you are left solving five puzzles just to get to an item that solves a previous puzzle.

The best thing though? It’s absolutely DRM and any and all copy protection free. Buy the game, get the downloads for all OS’s and a soundtrack! Yay! How could I resist? So I didn’t, I shelved out the few euro it takes and it was possibly one of the best moneys ever spent.

Big game publisher, if you are reading this, yes, yes I do only buy games if they come without DRM. Sometimes I consider buying a big-name game, but usually get disappointed by the process half-way through and bail.

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4
Jan

3 pikchurs of a pretty goat

   Posted by: Swizec   in Insanity

While I was browsing through my blackberry a few moments ago to find a certain photo I stumbled upon some photos I took this Christmas.

They’re of a very bloody cute small boy goat thing. My grandmother says this is as big as they get and by god the little rascals are awesome. Soon as I came into the barn this guy jumped on me and demanded petting!

PETTING!

A goat!!

:D

Here he is, now let’s make him famous just because he’s so cool.

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