Once upon a time there was a magnificent first person shooter – Duke Nukem. Many of us were a little bit young when this game was popular and were only involved with it as some sort of retro gamers and … what was I saying? Someone just shouted balls of steel in my head. Stupid bastard.

Anyhow, to be honest I don’t exactly know jus twhat it was about Duke Nukem that made him such an epitome of ultimate coolness in gaming. Maybe it was that in one of the versions you could kick with your foot. And the other foot. And both feet at the same time … hilarity ensued. Oh and there were aliens! Aliens that went splat and killed you because let’s face it, you’re not Duke Nukem, you’re just pretending to be him, but will never be as cool as he was, even as cool as he was when he became nothing more than vaporware!

The first time Duke Nukem Forever – greatest game the world has ever seen, was announced it was still the year 1997 and I was around 10 years old. Of course at that time I’d never even heard of Duke Nukem because I only came in contact with him, in a completely platonic way of course, around the age of 14. So yes, when I started playing the greatest and the baddest was already a few years “old” and I played something oooold.

This old thing was extremely awesome even then. And that’s saying something, how many old games do you know that several years after their release still captivate a fresh audience already used to the improvements made since? None? Thought so. It is because of this unadulterated level of awesome that we kept waiting and waiting for Duke Nukem Forever.

But alas, today news broke that Duke Nukem Forever is in effect Duke Nukem For Never (title blatantly stolen from slashdot). Of course there are very few idiots left out there who were still actually waiting for this thing to be done. But I happened to be one of them, deep down somewhere, I hoped some day, some moon in t he future, some happy morning, I would get to play DNF. It is not to be, because 3D Realms is shutting down and with its demise all hope for a new Duke Nukem goes down the drain with them even though there were valid rumours last year of a playable demo finally having been produced.

Duke Nukem where aaaareeee youuuuuu?

Tags: Duke Nukem Forever, food for thought, funny, Video game