OMFG Guys… I seriously always thought that those wincest stories were bullshit, I have two sisters, though one’s a baby and the other is two years older than me. The thought of having sex with her was both simultaneously really creepy and in the realm of ‘would-never-happen-to-me’. My sister’s sort of a flower child, garlands and stuff all around her room. So I’m sound asleep one night, I’m a junior in High School and she’s at community college, she hasn’t moved out yet… and she knocks on my door much louder than she needed to, but she whispers through my door ‘Can I come in?’…
Well of course she can, she’s my sister. Anyway, she comes in in the skimpiest fucking night gown I’ve ever seen. I didn’t know she even had a night gown. She tells me that she thought she heard a gunshot in the woods and she doesn’t want to be alone. She asks if she can sleep with me, and before my mind gets out of the gutter, I recoil… but realizing what she means, I tell her of course and I let her into the bed. As she climbs in, I can smell honey on her breath, it’s mesmerizing. That sweet smell brings me closer to her and I curl up next to her like we were just little kids again.
Her snoring has always been loud, especially deep into the nights, but half-an-hour into trying to get some winks, she’s still not snoring. “What do you think of us?” she says randomly. I stammer because I’m fighting the fact that I’m turned on right now AND what she just asked. I tell her that she’s a wonderful sister and I loved her. She told me “What if I was more than her sister? Something much more?” And I shit bricks… It all became so clear to me now.
All those years of wondering, staring at her door, waiting for her, laying awake at night just thinking, rolling crazy suspicions around in my head, all of it came down to this Wednesday night, this very moment, everything I had wondered about her became very… very clear. It was an epiphany at its purest and most tense, most… terrifying in its own way. I could finally say it with no regret, no fear, only truth.
“You’re a bear, aren’t you?” I say. The honey, the gunshot in the woods… there are NO WOODS around here, the berries strung up all around her room. She lept out of bed and ripped off her mask, roaring and making other bear noises! I jumped out of my window and it gave chase, out into the streets! Moving as fast as my legs will let me, eventually she gives up and moves back into the house. Standing on the street, I know it in my heart… she’d always be my special bear.
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While I was browsing through my blackberry a few moments ago to find a certain photo I stumbled upon some photos I took this Christmas.
They’re of a very bloody cute small boy goat thing. My grandmother says this is as big as they get and by god the little rascals are awesome. Soon as I came into the barn this guy jumped on me and demanded petting!
PETTING!
A goat!!
Here he is, now let’s make him famous just because he’s so cool.
Throughout the month of November those of us not afraid of our masculinity fought for the right of all men all over the world to refuse feminisation and fight neutirisation and all other things that make us less manly. As some smart bloke in the bible once said Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard. For any heathen that knows not what beardvember is this helpful link might shed some light upon the matter. For all the rest, here are some pictures of my masculinity popping out upon my face like mushrooms on a rainy afternoon.
To catalogue the event I wanted to take a photo of my face every day and then produce a funky video … but I only took 16 rather than 30. 
So yeah, rather silly the whole thing and you can’t believe my joy when I finally got to shave all that pesky hair off … but nontheless, I still sort of miss it.
Oh and I totally posted this way later than planned because of software trouble with creating the video.
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Mmkay, one for the slovenian oldfags who are gonna feel a bit old listening to this.
Some very incredibly NSFW remakes of the popular hits we had to endure in the 90’s.
Have fun, don’t report me to SAZAS. Thanks.
DJ Dejan – Vroce Poletje (Morska Vila)
Every student, freelancer or small business owner has probably faced the worst part of working from home – the dreaded you’re home not doing anything anyway, here’s a list of things I want you to do.
While it’s true that we are partly to blame for this phenomena because when all day is devoted to being home and working, it feels a lot longer than if you’re at an office, and we do waste some time, but all the chores make us waste even more time. To clearly demonstrate this principle in action let me outline my anticipated schedule for today (and what’s already happened since it’s noon now)
So you see, despite “being home all day” and having too much work to do, you can consider yourself lucky when you manage to squeeze five productive hours out of the day. And that sucks, a lot.
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Tags: food for thought, funny, Google Wave
Once upon a time there was a magnificent first person shooter – Duke Nukem. Many of us were a little bit young when this game was popular and were only involved with it as some sort of retro gamers and … what was I saying? Someone just shouted balls of steel in my head. Stupid bastard.
Anyhow, to be honest I don’t exactly know jus twhat it was about Duke Nukem that made him such an epitome of ultimate coolness in gaming. Maybe it was that in one of the versions you could kick with your foot. And the other foot. And both feet at the same time … hilarity ensued. Oh and there were aliens! Aliens that went splat and killed you because let’s face it, you’re not Duke Nukem, you’re just pretending to be him, but will never be as cool as he was, even as cool as he was when he became nothing more than vaporware!
The first time Duke Nukem Forever – greatest game the world has ever seen, was announced it was still the year 1997 and I was around 10 years old. Of course at that time I’d never even heard of Duke Nukem because I only came in contact with him, in a completely platonic way of course, around the age of 14. So yes, when I started playing the greatest and the baddest was already a few years “old” and I played something oooold.
This old thing was extremely awesome even then. And that’s saying something, how many old games do you know that several years after their release still captivate a fresh audience already used to the improvements made since? None? Thought so. It is because of this unadulterated level of awesome that we kept waiting and waiting for Duke Nukem Forever.
But alas, today news broke that Duke Nukem Forever is in effect Duke Nukem For Never (title blatantly stolen from slashdot). Of course there are very few idiots left out there who were still actually waiting for this thing to be done. But I happened to be one of them, deep down somewhere, I hoped some day, some moon in t he future, some happy morning, I would get to play DNF. It is not to be, because 3D Realms is shutting down and with its demise all hope for a new Duke Nukem goes down the drain with them even though there were valid rumours last year of a playable demo finally having been produced.
Duke Nukem where aaaareeee youuuuuu?
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Tags: Duke Nukem Forever, food for thought, funny, Video game
There once was a boy, whom you wouldn’t be far from wrong by calling Swizec, who liked racing games. He was once good at such games, completing numerous different rally simulations and need for speed games and all manner of weirdos. There was one, however, that eluded his skillful grasp – Rally Trophy. That he never did get the hang of.
But soon he stopped gameing altogether and the unfortunate game faded from memory and drowned in a long series of sleepless coding nights. Then, one day, as if out of nowhere, the old love rang at the door. It was the only game he could think of that worked on the dazzling sparkle that was his new Mac. And he played, he played a lot and then some.
And he won. Quite much. Except on hard, that was too hard and he only got to 70% before it became too insane.
Then one lonely night, with his girlfriend far away and his code old and boring he decided it was time to play some games again. And he searched and he danced a bollywood dance and he found Richard Burns Rally. A game that surprisingly worked near perfect on wine.
Ah but Richard Burns Rally wasn’t just any old rally simulation, oh no, this was a realistic rally simulation. So realistic in fact, it comes with its own set of driving tutorials. And the boy sucked, the boy sucked so very much he needed to resort to input controls tweaking just to be able to play even passably lousy on his keyboard. The driving wheel, sadly, unfortunately, woefully, did not play very nicely with wine and the boy does fear this game of games can only be played … with a racing wheel controller.
But anyhow, to see the boy suck, please point your eyes at the following shiny pictures of strangely fast motion that the screen recording device sped up for some inexplicable reason.
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Tags: funny, life, Motorsports, review, Richard Burns Rally, Simulation
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There I was, smack in the middle of the most lavishly decorated palace I’ve ever been to! The king was giddily showing me around and nearly popped his eyes out with happines when he was about to show me all the secret passageways and corridors that he oh so secretly uses to get to the maids quarters. Wonder why. Calmly though I refused, I said Oh no dear king, I’d already seen all this last year as a tourist. Paid extra for the special tourguide.
But Swizec! I want to show you all of this before it’s yours, I cannot give away just the palace and not its secrets, I cannot!
Alright kingy show me.
To be honest, like with many people I regularly chat to, I had no idea whether I knew him from somewhere or not. He was acting like we were friends, so I acted like we were friends. How should I know better? Maybe we’ve seen each other on twitter or something …
Then to celebrate the king’s giving away his palace and my receiving the palace, don’t know where the gf was in all this, we went to a Marilyn Manson, let’s call him Empty Suit and I’ll tell you why later, concert with Empty Suit and some of my old classmates from primary school. Guess the king knew them too or something.
There we were, going to a concert, calmly shrugging away the usher who wanted trouble and went into our special lodge. Best, and worst, thing about this lodge was that you couldn’t see the stage at all because of how it was cooped up in the corner of a ceiling.
Empty Suit seemed really distressed and sad about being at his concert, he felt depressed that he was the only adult person left to like his music and was afraid we’d make fun of him if she admited to it. To make him feel better I grabbed him by the shoulders – and it felt like grabbing an empty suit ’cause he’s so skinny – and said Let’s go drinking!
We did. But somehow he managed to get drunk the moment we left our lodge and decided he didn’t care one bit whether we make fun of him or not. Empty Suit started dancing and flailing his skinny limbs in odd configurations, his platform boots making him look like a spider on drugs. The young bastards all around him started mimicking his moves and soon enough everyone was looking rather much like an idiot.
Then I woke up and had a shower.
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Today is the very first of April, which by some strange and odd tradition means we should make fun of every fool we can find. Stranger still, it means every tech guy, company and anyone who thinks they know technology is mandated to prepare a prank for someone.
And I did. I spent well over an hour last night preparing my prank.
And it didn’t work. Failed so miserably I could almost say the joke was on me!
What I tried to do was reroute all traffic on the company’s webserver so that when an image is requested it doesn’t come from where it usually comes from, but rather go through an intermediary, which would twist and turn and colorise and grayscale and whatnot the image until it became something odd and strange. The plan was that people in the company would notice this and make a huge hissy panic.
But instead … nothing happened. One page failed to display images, the others barely even reacted due to caching in browsers.
*sigh*
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Last night while I was watching this lovely music video that someone has decided to call Summer Wine by Ville Valo and Natalia Avelon a striking change in Ville’s appeareance hit the retina of my optical receptors. Suddenly, as if from the moustache and the beard, he stopped looking like a dashing woman that I used to know him as. Let me find a photograph to offer as evidence …
Ville Valo looking like a woman
But since he’s grown a dead rat or two on his face and somehow convinced the bloody bastard to remain stuck there he looks different, he looks …
Ville Depp
He looks like he’s turned into a Johnny Depp clone, so I’ve decided to henceforth talk of Ville as Ville Depp and because the original likewise looks strikingly similar to the fake I have decided to refer to mister Johnny as a Johnny Valo, but you know what, let me give you anexamples of the striking new similarity.
Johnny Valo
Now I understand that none of this could be any sort of reference to reality anymore since that song is from 2007, but fuck it, it’s all news to me and those other poor sobs who don’t get out of their basements much.
For the female reader, here is some more Johnny:
Sexy Johnny for the female reader
Disclaimer: no celebrities were harmed in the making of this post, please do not harass me for making fun of your precious sexy idols and darling little known voiceboxes.
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