And thus the three day easter weekend is behind us.

Finally.

Was getting a bit long to be honest.

But what’s more important than this is what I spent most of my weekend doing –> Videogames and piles upon piles of omnom yummy foods. Mostly junk foods like bits of smoked pigs and copious amounts of chocolate … very little eggs though, that’s a bit silly considering easter is supposed to be all about eggs.

No matter, food was omnom.

Now, how can a guy justify wasting so many hours on something as simple as videogames? Well, I could say I was trying to have fun … but that’s a cop out, way too easy.

The most importantest thing is the mechanics of my adventures. The game I was playing was Richard Burns Rally, known far and wide as being one of the most, if not the most, difficult and realistic rally simulation games. The map I was playing was Mineshaft from Australia, in my humble opinion the hardest fucking map in the whole game.

See in most of the maps you drive in some forrest or something and the worst that can happen is you ram a tree or lose time by going a bit wide and over some grass or something.

But Mineshaft is different. Most of that damn thing is comprised of a road with a sheer drop cliff on one side and a cliff on the other. It’s a bit like trying to rally over the Yungas Road (most dangerous road in the world FYI).

So what the fuck are you rambling about Swizec. Just get on with the fucking point already sheesh!

Alright alright.

My point is that ALL I did. For SEVERAL fucking hours. Was. Play. Richard Burns Rally. On. The. Hardest. Map.

But why on god’s fucking earth would you do something like that?

Well, because I could.

But the important bit is why I wanted to. The game is insane to play on keyboards and needless to say I never once survived to the end of the map. Out of ~200 plays. I never once finished.

Wtf, masochist?

No. Through endless repetition and stupid iteration I learned. I learned a whole fucking lot! By the time I got fed up with playing I was habitually achieving mid times several seconds faster than the world record for that stage. Yes, the realistic world record.

*gasp* *shocker*

But I still didn’t finish, so the quest continues.

My point is that this little experience teaches us a lot about life, the universe and everything. Life is a series of insurmountable obstacles on the road to imminent disaster

And that is all. Remember that. Whenever you are failing in life, you’re not failing, you’re learning. That’s what it’s all about. The more you fail the better a person you become, those times you dont’ fail you haven’t learned a single thing. So stop that.

There once was a boy, whom you wouldn’t be far from wrong by calling Swizec, who liked racing games. He was once good at such games, completing numerous different rally simulations and need for speed games and all manner of weirdos. There was one, however, that eluded his skillful grasp – Rally Trophy. That he never did get the hang of.

But soon he stopped gameing altogether and the unfortunate game faded from memory and drowned in a long series of sleepless coding nights. Then, one day, as if out of nowhere, the old love rang at the door. It was the only game he could think of that worked on the dazzling sparkle that was his new Mac. And he played, he played a lot and then some.

And he won. Quite much. Except on hard, that was too hard and he only got to 70% before it became too insane.

Then one lonely night, with his girlfriend far away and his code old and boring he decided it was time to play some games again. And he searched and he danced a bollywood dance and he found Richard Burns Rally. A game that surprisingly worked near perfect on wine.

Ah but Richard Burns Rally wasn’t just any old rally simulation, oh no, this was a realistic rally simulation. So realistic in fact, it comes with its own set of driving tutorials. And the boy sucked, the boy sucked so very much he needed to resort to input controls tweaking just to be able to play even passably lousy on his keyboard. The driving wheel, sadly, unfortunately, woefully, did not play very nicely with wine and the boy does fear this game of games can only be played … with a racing wheel controller.

But anyhow, to see the boy suck, please point your eyes at the following shiny pictures of strangely fast motion that the screen recording device sped up for some inexplicable reason.