A couple hours ago @donalddesantis posted an awesome post about What being hopelessly single taught him about pitching tech Celebs on Geekwire. It’s really useful if you need that kick in the arse to just go meet people. Seriously, what are you doing standing around at a tech/entrepreneur conference not having epic chats with cool people? Don’t be silly.
He ties the advice with his experience of picking up cute women in public situations. The basic premise is just do it. But I think he’s wrong about girls.
The rest of this post is completely my personal experience as a geek and a nerd who finds public situations to be draining and just plain difficult, but does it anyway. Your mileage may vary.
Donald says his revelation came when he suddenly realized that his “game” of standing around at bars, waiting for women to start talking to him wasn’t working at all. Here’s the thing though, if you go to a bar and just sort of stand around … girls will come talk to you. In fact this will happen more than once a night.
Especially if you look like you’re having fun on your own and are totally content with yourself. I think it irks them that there is this guy who isn’t paying attention to their “come talk to me” vibes. So they come talk to you instead.
Further on Donald lists three traits guys think they need to get girls:
Be a great dancer (tech corollary: slick demo/pitch)
Surround yourself with a coterie of other attractive women (tech corollary: a coterie of other investors or “cool kids”)
Honestly, you don’t need to know how to dance. If you just go out there and dance like nobody’s watching. Girls will come dance with you. Tried and proven. You don’t even have to know what you’re doing, you just have to be comfortable with yourself.
Surrounding yourself with girls, unfortunately, does not work at all. I’m often out with a group of female friends and, without fault, on those nights not a single girl comes talk to me. They usually just assume I’m taken or otherwise reserved for the night.
Don’t do that.
Being charming like Hugh Grant or sexy like Jude Law definitely helps with being a heart-throb, but girls look for average (evolution etc.). You know how hotties look intimidating to you and like you could never get them since they’re way out of your league? Yeah, that’s how girls feel about Jude Law.
Not a good strategy at all. Just be charming enough not to step on too many toes and remember to smile. It works wonders … especially once you cross a line or ten. Smiling and being nice about it smooths everything over.
Donald also says that getting girls’ numbers is apparently Hard Business ™:
I didn’t get the first phone number I asked for, nor the second. In fact, the first number probably came somewhere between tries five and ten. But with each rejection, beliefs #1 and #2 became less false. I also become much more comfortable at getting a conversation rolling. Mastery through repetition.
I don’t know about you, but I have so far gotten every single phone number I actually asked for. Turns out people find it really really difficult to turn down polite requests. If you ask for something nicely, you will get it almost without fault.
Just be nice, don’t look creepy and never ask for a number right off the cuff. Chances are the girl won’t think twice about giving it to you. Why would she? Here’s a nice guy making a polite request, she has no reason to turn you down. Especially if you promise to call her about something friendly … had a cool conversation about something she’s good at? Get her number in case you ever need an expert on hand.
Works every time.
But it’s very very important that you actually ask. Being a geek and a nerd I usually forget this part. Hell, I’ve had people chasing after me because I will just wander off in the middle of a cool conversation without asking for a phone number. It’s unfortunate when that happens with a hottie (and it does happen, except they don’t chase after you but stand there baffled and confused).
Mostly the whole thing is really easy. Relax, talk like you’re talking to a long lost friend, give them a way to help you, be nice and avoid being generic like it’s the plague.
PS: before you think I’m super successful with the ladies, I’m not, I usually end up friendzoning them because I forget that they might like me. There were even occasions where I had a girl in my room and the thought she might like me never even crossed my mind.
PPS: the standing around minding your own business play works so well girls will sometimes ask you for your number.
- What being hopelessly single taught me about pitching tech Celebs (geekwire.com)
- Being Wrong (katiebman.wordpress.com)
- The Best Pickup Line Ever. (tbseblog.com)