I wrote this poem at a restaurant on Sunday, sipping on hot chai and a cup of chicken soup, waiting for a glorious steak salad to arrive. It was dark – nobody saw that I shed a tear or two. I think. If they did, they didn't say anything.
The laptop screen lit my face up like a search light. 🤔
It's a modern free verse poem. The kind I used to hate in high school because it's easy to make. You just write and don't give a shit about form or structure. Then you call it a poem.
I wasn't going to publish it for fear of what people might say. But fuck it, that's no way to live a life. What would Amanda Palmer say.
I'm tired – a poem
I'm tired of my job
I'm tired of my business
I'm tired of proving myself to US immigration
I'm tired of proving myself to my boss
I'm tired of my shitty apartment
and my home office where I can touch both walls
I'm tired of my coworkers
making noise eating at their desk
I'm tired of the same lunch time conversations
in the same lunch time spots
at the same lunch time hours
I'm tired of my routine
I'm tired of my workouts
I'm tired of trying to be my best
I always just move my goals
I'm tired of this city
with its shitty streets
and asphalt cracked so much it makes me fall
I'm tired of knowing what I'll do on Friday when Monday isn't even started
I'm tired of working on the same shit
I'm tired of making content
I'm tired of making my name
I'm tired of ambition
and I'm tired of knowing that, without ambition, I'd have nothing
I'm tired of my girlfriend
I'm tired of my bird
I'm tired of delaying gratification
gratification never comes
I'm tired of seeing happy people and wondering if I'll ever be happy, too
tired of knowing that I'd not feel happy even if I was
I'm tired of spending my vacations to visit family
I'm tired of paying for their flights
I'm tired of doing the thing I'm supposed to
when all I want is to do anything else
I'm tired of boring problems
I'm tired of other's shitty code
I'm tired of being me
and always picking up the pieces
I'm tired of having everyone's backs
when nobody has mine
I'm tired of feeling like I'm drowning
with all this weight upon my back
I'm tired of not knowing how to share the load
because others would just fuck it up
I'm tired of being responsible
I'm tired of being there for everyone
I'm tired of the internet
I'm tired of feeling all alone
I'm tired of feeling like I can't relate
and like I can't write whatever I want
I'm tired of having an audience
I'm tired of being an expert
All I want is to do something completely new
Something I've never done before
And learning it all from scratch
With no experience and no responsibility
Just doing something fun for the sake of fun
Wouldn't that be nice?
I'm tired of feeling like I can't because I'd give up everything I always wanted
I'm tired of being stuck
in this place I fought so hard to get
Stuck in a dream of a life I always wanted
but actually not quite
I am where I want to
Doing what I love
And I'm tired
Tired of the crap I've piled on
Tired of responsibility
Tired of other people's feelings
Tired of being afraid to share this poem
Tired of everything being meh
And life a little bleh
Just, tired
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