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How noobs are destroying the world

With Lord of the Rings on the telly and my dear old aluminium Merrick warming my thighs I embark upon a mission of high importance, a mission of dire beginnings, a mission of great consequence and a mission of practicing the useless. I a stand before you today to try and teach you of the dangers we are all facing - the dangers brought on by the endless hordes of noobs in the world.

But first, a little introduction by Nahtze (Jeremy from Pure Pwnage):

As Nahtzee lovably explains, noobs have ruined the gaming industry, but when you think about it, noobs have destroyed much more than just the gaming industry. Just look at how, for example, noobs have destroyed the music and movie industry. Back in the good old days of radio and television whatever was of the best quality in that it told the best tale or had the best musicians or even just had very awesome character development was what made it to the top charts and gained heaps of money.

Nowadays, however, our televisions are filled with the Big Brothers and American Next Top Models out there. Hell, even the sitcoms and so called education shows are much less about being entertaining and whatnot, but just about ... hell, what ARE they about? To be honest, I find it increasingly harder to tell what television is even about, it would seem all the noobs out there just sort of gobble up anything you throw at them and because they've been told it's awesome they also think it's awesome and love it. So, because of the standardless noobs even those of us who would LIKE something worthwhile to watch, but there simply isn't anything available anymore.

Or take books for example, a while ago only good authors could become successful, geniuses like Boccaccio, Orwell and similar had a hard time succeeding and proving to everyone that they're a good read. Nowadays ... well, nowadays we have schams like Dan Brown becoming instant best sellers and stories like Harry Potter being thought of as the height of literary creation. Fucking tasteless noobs, you've destroyed literature for us so the good stuff doesn't even make it onto the shelves anymore or tries so hard to be different than the popular stuff it becomes unreadable. If you want to be taken seriously as literature, you must be different than pop, but be too different and yuck, unreadable. So if we could just somehow kill all the noobs and thus give popular literature a better name, the really good books wouldn't have to try so hard to be artsy and we could actually all enjoy them. Yes yes, chicken and egg problem. Whatever.

So what else have noobs destroyed for the rest of us? Political debates? Most certainly. Education? They've destroyed it with all religious campaigning against reason. Well, noobs have destroyed everything, or are on the verge of doing so ... it sucks. Go away noobs, please, just all drop off the face of the planet and go live on Pluto or something.

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Published on January 10th, 2009 in commentary, rant, video

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