Swizec Teller - a geek with a hatswizec.com

    I swallowed a dead raccoon

    • Raccoon Family
      Raccoon Family

      Image by alasam via Flickr

    Some recent morning, let's call him Monday, I woke up with an odd feeling in my throat. Upon swallowing ... anything ... the feeling was somewhat weird, as if there was something obstructing the passageway and making the activity more difficult than it was ever meant to be.

    Upon further inspection I discovered an odd shaped lump on the side of my neck. So I thought to myself, _"what the flying fuck is this!?" _even though the answer had already been crystal clear to me; sometime during the night an angry raccoon, we'll call him Jose, crawled into my mouth to find warmth and moisture not unlike a hug so he could calm down a little bit before getting back to his wife, with which he was having a row.

    But Jose never did execute his plan unto completion. Oh no, he suffocated. Jose died in my mouth because of the horrible night breath we humans have, yes we all do, not just me, you have it too and please don't ask me to test this fact for you. Ask your wife, girlfriend or boyfriend, whichever you like. Just not me.

    Yesterday, or was it the day before?, I went to a lovely pharmacist, we'll call her Anna Maria Jose Elisabetha The Third And A Half, and asked if she had some herb or medicine, powder or potion, that could help with the dead raccoon lodged in my throat. To this Anna Maria Jose Elisabetha The Third And A Half rolled her eyes and said cautiously "Alas, kind sir, you usually need a doctor's prescription for thos things, there is naught that I could give you just over the counter like this" and what else was I to do than merely ask Anna Maria Jose Elisabetha The Third And A Half for somethingthat would soothe the pain and whatnot?

    So she gave me a licky pill of antiseptic for me to suck upon and ... in general make naughty with inside my mouth. And I did, I was naughty with that pill good!

    In fact, being naughty with the pills was so efficient that after two days, that is to say today, there is only a tiny dead squirrel now lodged in my throat. Yay!

    Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

    Did you enjoy this article?

    Published on March 26th, 2009 in funny, Raccoon, Uncategorized

    Learned something new?
    Want to become an expert?

    Here's how it works 👇

    Leave your email and I'll send you thoughtfully written emails every week about React, JavaScript, and your career. Lessons learned over 20 years in the industry working with companies ranging from tiny startups to Fortune5 behemoths.

    Join Swizec's Newsletter

    And get thoughtful letters 💌 on mindsets, tactics, and technical skills for your career. Real lessons from building production software. No bullshit.

    "Man, love your simple writing! Yours is the only newsletter I open and only blog that I give a fuck to read & scroll till the end. And wow always take away lessons with me. Inspiring! And very relatable. 👌"

    ~ Ashish Kumar

    Join over 14,000 engineers just like you already improving their careers with my letters, workshops, courses, and talks. ✌️

    Have a burning question that you think I can answer? I don't have all of the answers, but I have some! Hit me up on twitter or book a 30min ama for in-depth help.

    Ready to Stop copy pasting D3 examples and create data visualizations of your own?  Learn how to build scalable dataviz components your whole team can understand with React for Data Visualization

    Curious about Serverless and the modern backend? Check out Serverless Handbook, modern backend for the frontend engineer.

    Ready to learn how it all fits together and build a modern webapp from scratch? Learn how to launch a webapp and make your first 💰 on the side with ServerlessReact.Dev

    Want to brush up on your modern JavaScript syntax? Check out my interactive cheatsheet: es6cheatsheet.com

    By the way, just in case no one has told you it yet today: I love and appreciate you for who you are ❤️

    Created bySwizecwith ❤️