Swizec Teller - a geek with a hatswizec.com

    I swallowed a dead raccoon

    • Raccoon Family
      Raccoon Family

      Image by alasam via Flickr

    Some recent morning, let's call him Monday, I woke up with an odd feeling in my throat. Upon swallowing ... anything ... the feeling was somewhat weird, as if there was something obstructing the passageway and making the activity more difficult than it was ever meant to be.

    Upon further inspection I discovered an odd shaped lump on the side of my neck. So I thought to myself, _"what the flying fuck is this!?" _even though the answer had already been crystal clear to me; sometime during the night an angry raccoon, we'll call him Jose, crawled into my mouth to find warmth and moisture not unlike a hug so he could calm down a little bit before getting back to his wife, with which he was having a row.

    But Jose never did execute his plan unto completion. Oh no, he suffocated. Jose died in my mouth because of the horrible night breath we humans have, yes we all do, not just me, you have it too and please don't ask me to test this fact for you. Ask your wife, girlfriend or boyfriend, whichever you like. Just not me.

    Yesterday, or was it the day before?, I went to a lovely pharmacist, we'll call her Anna Maria Jose Elisabetha The Third And A Half, and asked if she had some herb or medicine, powder or potion, that could help with the dead raccoon lodged in my throat. To this Anna Maria Jose Elisabetha The Third And A Half rolled her eyes and said cautiously "Alas, kind sir, you usually need a doctor's prescription for thos things, there is naught that I could give you just over the counter like this" and what else was I to do than merely ask Anna Maria Jose Elisabetha The Third And A Half for somethingthat would soothe the pain and whatnot?

    So she gave me a licky pill of antiseptic for me to suck upon and ... in general make naughty with inside my mouth. And I did, I was naughty with that pill good!

    In fact, being naughty with the pills was so efficient that after two days, that is to say today, there is only a tiny dead squirrel now lodged in my throat. Yay!

    Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

    Did you enjoy this article?

    Published on March 26th, 2009 in funny, Raccoon, Uncategorized,

    Learned something new?
    Read more Software Engineering Lessons from Production

    I write articles with real insight into the career and skills of a modern software engineer. "Raw and honest from the heart!" as one reader described them. Fueled by lessons learned over 20 years of building production code for side-projects, small businesses, and hyper growth startups. Both successful and not.

    Subscribe below 👇

    Software Engineering Lessons from Production

    Join Swizec's Newsletter and get insightful emails 💌 on mindsets, tactics, and technical skills for your career. Real lessons from building production software. No bullshit.

    "Man, love your simple writing! Yours is the only newsletter I open and only blog that I give a fuck to read & scroll till the end. And wow always take away lessons with me. Inspiring! And very relatable. 👌"

    ~ Ashish Kumar

    Join 15,883+ engineers learning lessons from my "raw and honest from the heart" emails.

    4.5 stars average rating

    Have a burning question that you think I can answer? Hit me up on twitter and I'll do my best.

    Who am I and who do I help? I'm Swizec Teller and I turn coders into engineers with "Raw and honest from the heart!" writing. No bullshit. Real insights into the career and skills of a modern software engineer.

    Want to become a true senior engineer? Take ownership, have autonomy, and be a force multiplier on your team. The Senior Engineer Mindset ebook can help 👉 swizec.com/senior-mindset. These are the shifts in mindset that unlocked my career.

    Curious about Serverless and the modern backend? Check out Serverless Handbook, for frontend engineers 👉 ServerlessHandbook.dev

    Want to Stop copy pasting D3 examples and create data visualizations of your own? Learn how to build scalable dataviz React components your whole team can understand with React for Data Visualization

    Want to get my best emails on JavaScript, React, Serverless, Fullstack Web, or Indie Hacking? Check out swizec.com/collections

    Want to brush up on modern JavaScript syntax? Check out my interactive cheatsheet: es6cheatsheet.com

    Did someone amazing share this letter with you? Wonderful! You can sign up for my weekly letters for software engineers on their path to greatness, here: swizec.com/blog

    Want to brush up on your modern JavaScript syntax? Check out my interactive cheatsheet: es6cheatsheet.com

    By the way, just in case no one has told you it yet today: I love and appreciate you for who you are ❤️

    Created by Swizec with ❤️